


Some Distant Shore

by arborealstops



Category: The Newsroom (US TV)
Genre: Mo writes death!!, except for the newsroom this time, no regrets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-30
Updated: 2019-06-30
Packaged: 2020-05-31 01:38:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19415812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arborealstops/pseuds/arborealstops
Summary: I feel like I might write more with Charlie and Mini because I've already thought up little stories about them, like how Mini got her nickname, how they get along with Sloan and Don's kid, them babysitting for the little boy Maggie adopts from Uganda... so many ideas.





	Some Distant Shore

**note: first things first- to all the newsroom fans out here, i am so sorry for invading your wonderful fanfic space. as anyone who’s read my fics knows, i am very very bad when it comes to fanfics. not bad as in badly-written (though they’re usually that, too) but bad as in i kill everyone in these fics. is it probably a sign of instability or something? yeah. definitely. but i’m so, so much better at dealing with pain than, say, uh… falling in love? basically, i know more about dealing with pain than dealing with love. i think it has something to do with being sixteen and, as charlie skinner would say, having been to too many funerals in my life. anyway. not the place to be talking about myself.**

**this fanfic is based off of the song _Holy Hotel_ by the one and only Jeff Daniels. it’s kind of loosely based, but i interpret the song as being about the singer’s death, and about how he doesn’t regret much that he’s done with his life. I’m not really sure how i got this idea, or where it came from, but it’s kind of a way to do a combination story/character study, and the story is far from happy, but the song is beautiful. i recommend listening to it, if you can. **

**one thing you may note about this is that it seems a bit out of character at some points- that's because it's difficult to write death from any perspective, but especially from a first person view in which the narrator is the one dying. i did the best i could, but this is also my first time writing with these characters, and it's a bit rough. anywho, happy reading!**

_I’ve had few regrets in my life. Regrettable actions, maybe, but I got past them. There are very few things in life I truly regret. In fact, I do believe I could narrow it down to three big events: one, that it took me so long to forgive MacKenzie; two, that I haven’t been the perfect father to Charlotte and Margaret, or the best husband to MacKenzie; and three, that I was too much of a coward to say this properly, to their faces._

When Will told MacKenzie that he was staying home to “finish up some work,” he couldn’t meet here eyes. He stared over her shoulder, his eyes landing on a family photograph hanging on the wall. It showed Will, one arm wrapped around Mac’s waist, the other holding Charlotte on his hip. A one-year-old Margaret lay sleeping in her mother’s arms. 

The photo did nothing to lessen his guilt. 

“I’ve just got to finish up the epilogue,” Will assured his wife as she stood in their bedroom doorway. She was all ready to bring the girls to visit their Aunt Sloan and Uncle Don for the weekend- coat on, suitcase in hand. “I’ll see you when you get back.” 

He knew it was a lie. 

_Not forgiving MacKenzie is easily the stupidest thing I’ve done- which, given my history, is saying a lot. MacKenzie is, and always will be, the best thing that has ever happened to me. We’ve certainly had our ups and downs- quite possibly more so than other couples- but in the end, we landed on our feet every time, as I’m confident MacKenzie will be able to do even without me. Not that that lessens my regret- I know that, had I gotten over myself even just a minute sooner, I know that I could have made MacKenzie happier for just one minute and it would have been worth it. She is the light of my life._

She knew it was a lie, too. She pressed her hands to his chest, felt his ragged breathing. She glanced at the desk behind him, seeing the already-finished and approved manuscript on his desk. “That stupid autobigraphy,” she whispered, looking down as her eyes filled with tears. 

“Hey,” Will gently chided her. “You’re the one that told me to write it.”

Her responding laugh was choked by the ball of tears blocking her throat. “You have to say goodbye to the girls,” she whispered, and Will nodded.

“Of course.”

_When it comes to Charlotte and Maggie- our little Mini- I know I could have been better. There were days I could have taken off, conferences and meetings I could have attended, pancakes I could have made. But despite all of that, Charlie and Mini undeniably own my heart. They have me wrapped around their fingers, and I’m not ashamed to admit it. Every moment I spent with my daughters is a moment that I honestly treasure. Maybe it’s not where I pictured my life going, but I hope that I was a good enough father to my daughters, because they deserve better than me._

They came running into the bedroom, Mini ahead of Charlie. Mini jumped into her father’s arms, but Charlie held back. At six years old, she noticed more than her parents sometimes realized, and this morning was no different.

“Mommy, why are you crying?” 

Already in her father’s arms, Mini twisted around. “Mommy?” She asked, concerned, but MacKenzie shook her head. 

“Say goodbye to your father,” she replied, wiping her eyes so their daughters couldn’t see the tears threatening to spill over her cheeks.

“Goodbye? Why are we saying goodbye?”

_I know, even as I write this, that I could change this, could lower my number of regrets to just two, could call my wife and children and tell them everything I’ve ever wanted to say, could take these pieces of paper and shred them. Burn them. Make sure no one ever sees them. But three is such a good number, and besides, I’m a coward. Sitting in front of cameras never gave anyone courage, and it certainly didn’t for me._

“Daddy’s not coming with you,” Will replied, kissing the top of Charlie’s head. “You and Mini have a good time, alright?”

“And Mommy!” Mini chimed in brightly, causing Will to let out a low chuckle. “Yes, and Mommy too. You’re going to love it.”

“Why aren’t you coming?” Charlie looked hurt, and it pulled at Will’s heart in a way he really couldn’t take at the moment.

“I’ve got work to finish up,” he replied, hugging both of his daughters tightly. “You go on and have a good time, alright?”

Both girls nodded, then bounced out the door, not suspecting anything was wrong.

_I’m dying, and I know I’m dying. I’ve known for days, but I don’t want my girls to see it. Breathing is more difficult than ever, and sometimes I can’t see anything. I can barely keep anything in my stomach and I’m in a lot of pain. But I know it was worth it. I know that everything I’ve done in this life, everything that led me to MacKenzie and Charlotte and Mini, to Don and Sloan, and Maggie and Jim, everything that I’ve done to remember Charlie and to help Leona, all of it was worth it in the end, because it made people happy. I’ve never seemed much like a sentimental person, but the years, the cancer, and my family have all changed me for the better. I hope I’ve done the same for them._

Mac turned to face Will, no longer hiding the tears. “Will-”

“I told you once,” he interrupted quietly. “That no matter what, I’d never do anything to hurt you again.” He looked up, finally meeting her eyes. “You own me,” he quoted. “That’s just a physical law of the universe.”

Tears spilled down Mac’s cheeks. “I love you, Billy,” she whispered, reaching for his hands.

“I love you too.”

_I was never fond of fare-thee-wells_  
Long goodbyes and time-will-tells  
See you soon, say so long  
Too damn bad it’s good as gone 

_William Duncan McAvoy_

When MacKenzie returns to their apartment- her apartment, now, hers and the girls’- there is a pad of paper on the table. When she reads it, she can’t help letting out a soft laugh, because of course Will had to write his own obituary. Of course no one else’s writing would be enough. 

_William Duncan McAvoy was born 12 July, 1960, in Aurora, Nebraska and died August 19, 2020. At the age of seventeen, he left his hometown to attend Harvard Law. After passing the bar exam, he moved to New York City to work as a lawyer at a firm that has since dissolved. During this time, McAvoy became the legal correspondent at ACN News and, in 2001, became an anchor, where he worked until 2020, at which point he was forced to quit because of complications with lung cancer. Despite his success as a news anchor, McAvoy was known to claim to be a musician, and later a father, and only a news anchor “on the side.” McAvoy leaves behind his wife, MacKenzie McHale, 43, and two daughters, Margaret “Mini” McAvoy, 4, and Charlotte “Charlie” McAvoy, 6._

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like I might write more with Charlie and Mini because I've already thought up little stories about them, like how Mini got her nickname, how they get along with Sloan and Don's kid, them babysitting for the little boy Maggie adopts from Uganda... so many ideas.


End file.
